During my lengthy divorce, my ex-wife claimed I was abusive, that she was ‘afraid for her safety,’ and tried to get ‘supervised visitation.’ None of it worked, because it wasn’t true, and because, as an educated professional I had enough money to spend six figures on an attorney. ) and being instructed to call me by my first name and not ‘dad.’ I grew tired of making phone calls that weren’t answered, or of being put on hold and the child not coming to the phone, and of cancelled visits.It was heartbreaking seeing the child slip away from me, little by little. There is the assumption that the man will just sit there and take the abuse because he does not want to lose the child.I've done some online dating and find that the guys dating women in my age group either want to keep things completely casual, or else to talk immediately about a relationship and marriage.I think I'm interested in the former, but am having a hard time feeling "OK" with that as a mother of young kids and someone who has probably frowned on that sort of thing in the past.After studying this issue for the four years I’ve had this blog, I understand that the issue is complicated and nuanced, and there is plenty of legitimate room for both points of view, outlined above.You can read more about my stance in favor of shared parenting, empathy for absentee fathers, and other related topics here: “My kid’s dad isn’t involved and I don’t know what to say” The real reason your ex doesn’t see the kids How to get dads involved in divorced and separated families Close the pay gap? 50-50 visitation and no child support Should you date a guy who doesn’t see his kids?
Here is one story from a commenter on the above posts: From John G: From my own experiences, I believe it’s widespread for women to use children as a weapon to exact revenge against the ex during, and after, divorce proceedings. My son was being tutored on what to say to me (did you ever hear a 7-year-old respond ‘I’m not comfortable talking about that’ when asked a question?In far too many cases, the father is merely viewed as a source of income.The mother is viewed as the ‘real parent’ who almost always gets physical custody of the child.She stuck by the letter of the law, and was able to severely limit my contact with my son by way of orders of protection and maintaining to the courts that he was a ‘danger.’ Of the divorced, professional men that I know, all of them had orders of protection against them by their wives.This is even a problem that is recognized by the courts.