Also we have to be careful not to use this as an excuse to not become a better person. “If God wants me to lose 10 pounds then I will.” Yeah, no need to work out or change your diet. At the very least spin this into fearlessness instead of laziness. I’ve previously dated him but ended it because I came to the realisation that I should be in a relationship with a christian. So if at any point it feels like I don’t really understand your situation, you’re probably right, but I do think I can say something helpful nonetheless.God commands single Christians to only marry Christians.The wisdom in the command is probably something you experienced when you were going out with your friend.For his sake and yours, it may be best to finish the relationship altogether.A quick, clean break heals much faster than a prolonged, messy mistake.This is where we have to toss aside our excuses, hiding places, and “help me sleep at night theology”. Things like: “I just want someone to like me for me.” To some degree this is actually true. “I have this friend who wasn’t attracted at all to her spouse but she eventually became attracted and they now have a great marriage, 100 children who are all missionaries etc.”. First was she really not attracted or was other stuff in the way? And my Missouri Tigers win a football conference title. The truth is, we are afraid we aren’t attractive or that we can’t attract the right person. What we really mean is, “I want someone who I’m attracted to who will like me for me.” So we have to watch the double standard. “If God wants it to happen it will.” This just drives me crazy – and I used to say it. But the problem is that we don’t do it for any other area of life. God won’t let you end up with the wrong person right? I once dated a girl who was always talking about this other guy she was not “romantically” attracted to.
The concept of choice in marriage only applied to a very small number of people.God gives us commands for our good, he does love us!Now I suspect you know all this, you dated your friend before and probably experienced (even if only in a small way) some of the pain that life means.Here’s the truth, you could learn more about attraction from one online seminar by a secular dating “expert” than you could from 20 years of attending church, reading Christian authors and being in small group. What I mean is that initially you don’t choose to be attracted. But we have to begin to understand this and work on being attractive and attracted in the right way. Worse, half of what you would learn in those 20 years would be ineffective. The first thing we have to understand is this: Attraction is not a choice. Attraction is not a choice – but what we do with it, how we handle it, amplify it, or crush it is.